1.0: So… the book of Judges tells me that Samson never cut his hair.  how long do you think it got? Do you think such a manly man wouldave kept it well groomed? Or do you think that it would’ve gotten all “Robinson Crusoe” on him?

2.0: (no response)

1.0: really? but don’t hold back now…

2.0: (no response)

1.0: Holy smokes!!! what a relevant/witty retort!!! how bold of you to put it into those terms!

2.0: 1.0, just cause I didn’t comment yet doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about how I was going to respond… OK, I never thought about how to respond. But, that’s beside the point. We are talking about Samson here, not me. Samson, oh, he ate locust and honey, the wild man sort…  Oh wait, that was John the Baptist. Well, nonetheless, my deduction: Samson was well groomed.

1.0: Although your plethora of facts about people who ARENT Samson speaks volumes on this subject… lets go over some of the RELEVANT facts… Namely: this whole business of Delilah being “oh-so-willing to to cut off all his hair”.  this tells me a couple things.  things like “Wow, gals mustave been trying to dictate men’s fashion since BIBLE TIMES” and “his hair must have been pretty repulsive”.  I’m thinking “Billy Prince Bonnie” magnitude repulsive hair… with muscles… that were also hairy.

2.0: Touché. However, ropes don’t normally melt off the hands of a disheveled dude. If you’re that hot, you must have some sweet looking hair, naturally stylish of course. Likewise, tearing a part a lion with your bare hands happens only if you are mightily good looking… OR if the Spirit of the Lord “rushes upon” you… OK, so it was probably the Spirit of the Lord, but he still married a 10 (on the looks scale) from the Philistine’s side of the tracks.

1.0: Hey: even a blind squirrel finds a nut every once in a while (Paul Walker is another GREAT example of this rule).  All the philistine gals that I know are prone to marrying a guy not based on his looks, but his ability to shred a lion with his own bare hands.  The 1/2 Yettie-Sampson was lucky enough to benefit from this trait.  We are talking about Samson… the guy who caught a cunning fox.  This means that he had so much hair that the fox mistook him for a buffalo or ox or harmless-hairy-ugly-thing. Oh but was it wrong! and let this be a lesson to ALL of us… we’ll probably get set on fire (like the fox) by a strong hairy dude if we mistake him for a hugly (hairy + ugly).

2.0: Not to derail our conversation on Samson – I’ll come back to this debacle shortly – BUT I wondering if we might skew the thoughts of those reading this with our oh-so-careful-and-clear words… On second thought, however, I think it might make them actually read the story of Samson. Anyways, back to the argument. He killed some fools with a jawbone. Not any jawbone, mind you, he did it with a donkey’s. That’s baller (phrase stolen from Josh Howard, who also is a quote-unquote, baller). I’m not sure about you, but I don’t know of any such people who do not have well-kept hair.

1.0: Hmmmm… you may have a solid point there.  baller status is reserved for those who make at least SOME effort to maintain themselves.  but i’m going to stand by his hugly-ness.  perhaps he was equal parts maintained and mind-blowingly hairy.  Really trustworthy and scientific research has led me to conclude that Samson probably looked like this:

Take note the well combed hair… soak in that silly bowler hat which leaves the impression of “trying a little too hard to groom himself”… come to terms with those spectacularly drawn biceps (probably drawn by a crazy-awesome artist) which would have no trouble taking city doors right off their hinges.  I give you… SAMSON! Judge of Israel!!!

2.0: Wow! Hahaha! Well done. I have no rebuttal.

Dudes and Dudets, (i love the fact that i can start this thing with THAT intro)

let me warn you first of all: being a weird nerd-man allows me the opportunity to let my nerd-motions (nerd emotions… try to keep up here) to completely take control and let me start rapping off ner-deas (nerd ideas). Another warning: I may seem spirited in jargon, and over-excessive in adjectives, partially because these are topics i’m dealing with right now, and partially because i’m all hopped up on coffee and just played ridiculous amounts of Call of Duty.

Spiritual GIFTS!!!! BAM!!!!
just letting you know… all the duplicate exclamation marks are most likely caused from the visual an nurological stimuli brought on by caffeine and running amuck with dual machine pistols in virtual space. or maybe it’s because i’m typing so extremely bodatiously fast. right? didnt that read like i typed it incredibly fast?!!?! superfast.

right: where was I? spiritual gifts. SPIRITUAL GIFTS!!! It kinda makes sense to do the things that we are good at. example: if you really werent good at jumping over 70 school busses with a motorcycle and cape, you may want to leave these thing to the professionals… like Evel Knievel. who ironically has so much metal in his skeletal system, that he could probably go head to head with Wolverine… but not win… that is just ridiculous. But i digresssssssss (whoah… coffee jitters)

The point is Evel was good at what he did, and with his unique skill, was able to impact the world by fearlessly pushing the envelope (when he wasnt in the hospital, undergoing reconstructive surgery).

We all have a little bit of Evel (Knivel… hahaha no pun intended, but i wonder if the editors are going to make me take that out) in us; in the sense that God has given us each skills that He is just waiting for us to use for Him. He is just waiting for us to push that envelope on what we think is possible, and revel in awe when we see what God is capable of when we use the “world defying” gifts he has given us.

Keep in mind. these skills don’t have to be “can levitate on command” (but if this IS your gift, let me know… because i have some SWEET practical jokes in mind that we could play… after i get another cup of coffee). Example: Mine is drinking too much coffee and then writing borderline cohesive blog posts.

ok: now to bring it back home and wrap this up (because, A) i’m terrible at ending posts, and 2) i’m starting to crash after all the sugar/coffee, and D) I should stop before i start quoting “Home Alone”)…

Ok, i don’t have time for sissy cliche taglines like “live up to your potential” and goober sayings like that… but… seriously: get on it. How big of a shame would it have been if Evel Knievel never took the training wheels off? i’ll tell you: a MEGA big shame (hmmm: may need a better adjective for that one. how about “SUPER”? no, no… ehh: whatever… i’ll let he editors deal with it).

God needs Evel Knievel-ing studly studs (stud-etes included) to step up and go push that envelope. I mean: I can think of at least ONE start up church that God could use your schoolbus jumping skills to help. i’m not saying that you have to help Awakening, because you may end up killing yourself if you end up being the poor soul who has to edit my posts. but i AM saying that you should find out what you are good at and DO it.

and i’m also ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss (this is where Will passed out on his keyboard… he shouldave said “no” to that 5th cup….)

Editorial Note: That was the end of the blog post. Yes… REALLY…. that just happened

Author: Will McDonald

Are you ready for your dome-piece to explode? I thought so… but it’s ok… it’s one of those good type of explosions. Not the kind where brains go all over the place or anything… more like an awesome explosion, kinda like when the guys in the circus get into the huge cannon and fly across the room… and don’t send body parts everywhere. Perhaps this was a lame example. but ALSO perhaps, you should leave a comment suggesting a better one. You are correct in assuming this last statement is there in an attempt to pad my blog stats and make me feel TOTALLY better about myself.

The bible tells us that we are each unique and all have a different part to play in the body of Christ (1 Cor 12:8). I probably didnt need to pull the whole “the bible tells us” line on you… because odds are, you have probably figured this out already by noting things like: why some weirdos consider Ringo the best Beatle, or why some of us actually respected the Beatles enough to just pretend like Ringo didnt exist at all. or why some people enjoy Paul Walker movies… while others don’t enjoy self-inflicted eyeball torture. The point is: Each one of us is a special snowflake. (i would’ve put a less sissy analogy, but once again… nothing came to mind… don’t judge)

ready for cerebral hemorrhaging?

The Bible ALSO tells us (there is that phrase again).. that we are all a part of one body together. One in mind (Philip 2:2), one in body (1 Cor. 12:13), and one in spirit (Ephesians 4:4). Maybe you didnt understand the impact of that last statement. If we are all different, how can we all be one in spirit? doesnt “being unique” mean the opposite of “being the same”?

*enter the brain mushroom cloud*
(dont worry. if you are smarter than me, and this isnt wreaking havoc on pre-concieved notions like “things being the same is opposite of things being different” all this means is that we should be friends… so you can take every test for me from now on)

we have already established that each one of us is a different flavor of frozen yogurt (obviously not pinkberry, because they only have like 3.5 flavors… i’m just gonna say what we are all thinking: LAME). have you ever tried mixing EVERY flavor together? it becomes this awesome flavor known as “puke-your-brains-out”. need more “real world” examples? Potassium and Water (for all you chem nerds out there). Little kids and Broccoli (also resulting in barf). Or Penguins and microwaves (dont worry, no animals were hurt in the making of this blog). In the natural world, when you mix different things together, you get explosions, and every once in a while a viral you-tube video that people laugh at, but are secretly glad that they werent part of. People are the same way. It’s OBVIOUS that Star Wars nerds and Trekkies don’t naturally get along… as a matter of fact, Trekkies really don’t get along with humans in general… they are cool with vulcans though.

Back to the bible. Now it’s easier to understand how incredible it is that not only are we supposed to just “get along”, but we are unified, all working together towards one goal. That is nuttier than a squirrel!!!! (ok, perhaps metaphors/analogies aren’t my spiritual gift). But when i think of it, there is only ONE of me, and i have a hard time working towards my OWN goals most of the time. Isnt it incredible that God is bigger than our innate ability to clash with literally everything around us? under his umbrella, team edward and jacob can set lame movies aside and work together for the glory of God. Tom will finally stop manically torturing Jerry? Itchy and Scratcy will… no, i think i’ll stop there.

How amazing is He, that He can accommodate every unique person. He is intentional enough to create us to be unique, and have a place and a purpose for every different person. He is bigger than my political stance (yes… even militant hippyism). He is stronger than my selfish tendencies which cause me to go into “sabotage mode” while working in group settings. He is deep enough to allow for someone who is the complete opposite of me to also work for Him and be a part of His plan (1 Cor 12:20).

God is so good, that he would even give a quirky/clashing person like ME a place in his plan.

Author: Will McDonald

so: i’m not quite sure if you know this, but I’m awesome at relationships.  I’m so awesome that it’ll probably make you throw up a little… just ask any of my remaining friends.

actually… i’m just kidding: i have LOTS and LOTS of friends, and they rarely ever puke.

Understandably, you may believe that due to my unREAL capitaliZATION of wrong sylABLES, and borderline vague understanding of how punctuation/grammar is suPPOSED to work,? that i have it all figured out.  But then you’d probably be wrong like donkey kong (who apparently was also ON?)

Anyways, i’ll just skip the part when i give the punchline to the lame joke, and then when no one still gets it, i have to explain the joke (which totally makes the joke better), and the fact that i really don’t have it all together. Exhibit A: i’m a mess (It’s ok to be surprised at this seemingly-ridiculous statement).

As much as i’d like to be the one saying “you had better learn to live with me, tootse, because i’m fine the way i am” (perhaps the use of the word “tootse” is an indicator to the roots of my problem), I have this nagging feeling that this kind of statement is going to fly as well as santa over the de-militarized zone (the REAL reason for all the unhappy people).

so let me turn towards my relationship with God… the guy who SHOWS me how to relate to friends, how to love my brother/sister, how to correctly interact with people around me.

It’s true that he does put up with me, and does accept of me for who i am, but unfortunately for Nega-Will (aka Evil-Will, aka Will), the buck doesnt stop there (and f your i (fyi), the 50’s DIDNT call and ask for that one back… the 40’s did).  Being in a relationship with him FORCES me to be a better man (which sometimes requires me to make fun of Paul Walker’s acting abilities less… but not ALL the time, of course).

If I cant expect God, the master at relationships (oh yeah, and the universe) to put up with a guy (i wont name my name here… o wait…) who isnt going to be GROWING with Him, how can i expect ANYONE else to put up with it?

Moral of the story:
Paul Walker makes terrible movies.

the OTHER moral is:
it’s too easy for me to just sit back, wait for the perfect people to come in my life, and take a rain check on growth in the meantime.  because God actively shows me that i need to strive and be a better guy tomorrow than i was yesterday (regardless if i’m in any type of relationship or not).  “being complacent”, or “the dog ate it” just isnt an excuse (yeah, that last one doesnt make SENSE, and i don’t care). I cant expect to succeed in any relationship unless i’m committed to being a more godly man (+10 cheesy points for me)

NOTE: this is a Girlfriend (Kim Eggert) approved post.

Author: Will McDonald

Have you ever had one of those “light bulb going off” moments as you suddenly realize “holy crap! I am doing things all wrong” (note: crap isn’t actually holy… it’s just a colloquialism. also note: the word “colloquialism” is a great example of Dictionary.com making me sound smarter than I actually am.  further note: you have my apologies if my side-notes are too-long and completely un-related).  right… back to the topic at hand.  (note: I already feel sorry for the poor soul who has to edit this thing)I am talking about one of those “moments of clarity” when you realize how extraordinarily wrong the things the way you are handling things are, and how mind-blowingly (new word) RIGHT God is.  And I’m not talking about a mere “oh, i guess peanut butter M&M’s are actually better than reses peices”.  I’m talking about being SPECTACULARLY wrong.  As in “wow, I guess i shouldnt have stapled my tongue to the wall”. (it’s ok… i’m a guy… so that IS a valid scenario)